Day 11

Today was not an easy one.

I had an appointment with my OB/GYN, a one week follow-up visit after my hospital stay. I was excited for him to give me some good news, hoping that perhaps my amniotic fluid was maintaining. When I was admitted to hospital, my levels were 30-50% of ideal. I have had tiny leaks since then, but nothing major. I had hoped that drinking a gallon of water a day, taking handfuls of recommended supplements and not cheating on bed rest would have made a difference.

“He’s really crowded in there. You have no amniotic fluid left.”

Subchorionic Hemorrhage. Placenta Previa. Preterm premature rupture of membranes.

And now, oligohydramnios.

What else is this poor baby going to have to fight against?

I do a pretty good job managing my mood most days.

Today, after the doctor said those words, I got tunnel vision. Everything around him turned grey, and I could barely hear. I felt like someone was trying to squeeze my body through the eye of a needle. Apparently my 4 year old, who was escorted out of the room by my son, had a colossal fit in the hallway, screams reverberating around the office. I heard none of it.

I’m scared to go back to the hospital. I asked the doctor about continuing bed rest at home, where it was so much easier emotionally, and he told me that if I was at his hospital, I wouldn’t have been allowed to leave in the first place. (Different hospitals have different policies with pPROM.)

At this point I’m switching practices because the hospital where he has privileges is too far from my home. The other, the one I stayed at last week, is 2 miles away. Not to mention, the likelihood of an emergency C-section due to cord prolapse or other complications of pPROM/oligohydramnios is extremely high. I would like to actually meet the doctor who is going to cut me open.

I’m scared not to go back.

Today marks the 11th day I’ve managed to stay pregnant post rupture, which in itself is remarkable. Still no signs of infection, and baby seems to be ok. I hold to one tiny bit of hope, which is that baby’s bladder was full of urine on the ultrasound, which means he is finding little “pockets” of amniotic fluid to swallow, which is very important for his lung development.

Only 10 more days until the magical milestone of 24 weeks, when I can get my first steroid shots to help baby’s lungs.