21 Weeks, 4 days: pPROM

I was released from prison hospital for good behavior. I have bathroom privileges. Yea!

The last few days have been a Twilight Zone, a blur of what-ifs. There are so many unknowns. So many ways this thing could go, and most of them scary and terrible. 

The official diagnosis that led me to the hospital last Sunday night/Monday at 3 AM was this: preterm premature rupture of membranes (pPROM). In laywoman’s terms, my water broke.

I’ve been leaking amniotic fluid since the first incident at 10 weeks when I was convinced I was having a miscarriage.

pPROM is a scary thing at only 21 weeks pregnant. The vast majority of times, the mom goes into labor shortly after, which would have obviously dire implications for the baby. There’s also risk of infection for the mom.

I took 2 antibiotics by IV along with fluids, drank water constantly, and was hooked up to a fetal monitor 24/7. I had two ultrasounds.

The good news:

• I have no bleeding. My bleeding stopped a couple of weeks ago.
• I have no uterine activity. No contractions means no labor. Baby is still cooking!
• My cervix is high and tight… no dilation.
• I have no signs of infection and no more large gushes of fluid.
• BABY IS STILL ALIVE AND KICKING. I’m still pregnant! There is hope.

The bad news:

• My amniotic fluid levels were 30-50% of normal, which is dangerous for baby and can impact his lung and kidney development.
• Baby isn’t “viable” until at the very earliest, 24 weeks (17 days away). If he comes before then, he won’t be able to breathe. If I can stay pregnant until 24 weeks, I can begin steroids to hopefully force his lungs to mature.
• The likelihood of my making it to term is about nil. I’m preparing myself to deliver a micro-preemie who may not live for a day or make it out of the hospital, or if he does, will likely have multiple serious health problems and require months in the NICU.
• I have to go back to the hospital at 24 weeks for medications and will stay there until baby is delivered at 34 weeks or I go into labor.

I’m so happy to be back home.

I’m on strict bed rest with only potty privileges, taking two antibiotics, a handful of supplements shown to improve pPROM outcomes, and drinking so much water I pee like a racehorse, but it’s 100% better than being in hospital and away from my little ones. I cried every day from missing my youngest so badly. I got to see her once a day, but I ached still. At home, I can read to my kids, help them with schoolwork, help them through the emotional strain of all of this, and cuddle my little ones. My fridge and freezer are full of food people have been bringing me. My mom and dad have moved in to assist… and for that I am so truly thankful, as this would be so much more stressful if they weren’t here.

My little guy is obviously a fighter. I’ve been surprised each time I’ve heard his heartbeat, seen his image on an ultrasound screen. I have expected to have to say goodbye to him several times. Each time he has shocked me. Staying pregnant this long, we’ve already defied the statistics several times.

I am dreading being readmitted to the hospital in a couple of weeks, but I know it’s what I have to do to give him a chance. He hasn’t given up, and I’m not giving up either.