Alarmed

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Josiah, Today my heart broke all over again. I didn't realize until the other day how vulnerable I feel all the time now. It started with your birth and it continues. It's so frightening. All I want to do is protect you, and I can do so little for you. It's torture, little one. Today was an … [Continue reading]

Heart shaped box

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Figuratively speaking. A fellow mom of a preemie tweeted a picture of her son's isolette with the caption, "My heart was trapped in this box for 8 weeks". It reminded me of song lyrics. I read that Hole's Doll Parts and Nirvana's Heart-Shaped Box (from the album In Utero, of all things) … [Continue reading]

Complicated attacks

I try very hard to keep my life simple. Minimalists inspire me. I read this article recently about Mark Zuckerberg (yes, that Mark Zuckerberg) where … [Continue reading]

and your angry eyes, just in case

My therapist told me I was experiencing grief. Well, I'm officially in the anger phase. Because I am so mad little one. I don't know what to do with … [Continue reading]

The same thing happens every day

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Dear baby, The same thing happens every day. I say to myself, "tomorrow, I'll rest more", " tomorrow, I'll take it easy", "tomorrow, I'll pump … [Continue reading]

Mama gets her mojo back

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Josiah, Mom is feeling better each day now. When I come see you, I feel happy and hopeful instead of overwhelmed with sadness. It's still so hard … [Continue reading]

90 minutes

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Josiah, Last night I slept almost all night without waking! When I got up this morning, I felt like I could conquer the world. And the best part of … [Continue reading]

Baby steps

Josiah, today you gave me a special treat. When I saw you, I almost didn't recognize you. They removed your hat and face mask and have you using a … [Continue reading]

Good news and bad news

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Well little one, it's not just your mommy that has the nightmares. Daddy has them too. Last night he sat up in bed and said, "Where's Josiah?!". I … [Continue reading]

Green eyes

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Hi Josiah, Today was a lot better, no? Mommy didn't lose it when she walked into the NICU this time. Still, the sight of you almost takes my breath … [Continue reading]