I know, I know.
I’m feeling a little kvetchy since I’m in my third trimester. But I can’t help it. People are just annoying when you’re this pregnant.
Last weekend I saw a lot of people, and it seems every one of them have to do one of the following three things. Can you relate?
Yeah, I get it. It’s a miracle and all. I’m glowing (whatever) and all. It’s poking way out there and all, but seriously? It’s not a good luck charm. No genie will pop out and grant your wishes if you rub it.
And need I remind you? It’s a baby, yes, but it’s still inside a part of my anatomy. A part of my anatomy that would be off limits to your hands under any other conditions. My breasts are enormous right now too, want to rub all over those as well?
And let’s talk about the staring for a moment. Yes, I realize that my belly is huge. Comical, even. But so is your nose/that zit on your forehead/your beer belly/your tuckus but you don’t see ME staring do you? Let’s have a little self discipline, ok people? Staring just isn’t cool.
What are you, an armchair fortune teller? It’s really annoying when people convincingly say “It’s a boy!” because I’m “carrying low“. (Especially when their sister-in-law standing next to them is convinced that it’s a girl because I’m “all out front”.)
Sorry folks, but I’ve “carried” every baby I’ve had the exact same way: all out front, and low. Babies do not know their sex, and they do not know that they are supposed to lie a certain way in the womb to please your crazy old wife’s tale. As if that were possible.
“Are you sure it isn’t twins?” “Are you sure they have your due date right?” “Oh, the baby is lying THIS way” and other such comments. So annoying.
No, my team of 4 health care professionals and myself (who tracks her cycle, including cervical mucus quantity and quality, putting a check mark on it every time hubby and I get it on, etc) are wrong and you’re right. We’re way off on the dates. Never mind that although my belly seems large to YOU, I’m measuring exactly the number of centimeters I’m supposed to for this week of my pregnancy.
And yes, it IS twins. Should I send the next payment to you instead of my midwife? (Since you can tell there’s two heartbeats from a distance, without silly newfangled gadgets like ultrasound and Doppler!)
And even though that same team of people says baby is head down, butt up, obviously you know more about it (since you or your wife were pregnant once) and baby is lying sideways.
But the worst of all are the impatient ones.
TRUST ME, noone is more eager than I am to have this baby out. I hate being pregnant, and much prefer labor, delivery and the newborn period to this discomfort. But your eagerness for me to go into labor is just annoying.
“Girl, you’ve dropped!” “You look like you’re ready to pop!” “You have how many weeks left?”
Please. Be patient. These comments just make the last couple of months even more miserable. It also makes me want to avoid you and stay home.
Sometimes I feel like saying: “I’m pregnant. But you’re obnoxious. And I’ll have the baby. Where does that leave you?”
Ladies, tell me I’m not alone with this!